I have these motherhood mantras: Moms don’t let moms go through motherhood alone. Every mom needs help. The only way we can get help is by asking. Asking for help makes me feel like a better mom.
So why can’t I ask for help?
Three years into motherhood, I know I can’t do this alone- yet, I still struggle asking for help. So, everyday I ask myself, “why can’t I ask for help?”
I think about this question, so often, yet the only answer I come up with is “I don’t know.”
What I do know is, I would like help and I often need help.
So many, I even dare say, all mothers need help- yet no one is asking for it.
In this social media driven world, I feel like as a mom I am rushed with content of mothers who look like they are doing it all.
I am compounded with the messages “moms are amazing”, “moms can do anything”, “you got this mama.”
Would asking for help mean “I don’t got this?” or seeing endless images of mothers who have more kids than me doing it all on their own (seemingly), mean something is wrong with me?
Keep reading for local resources to help moms, and more about my journey in asking for help.
XO,
Deena
Support for Moms in the East Valley
The East Valley has some wonderful supports for moms—truly! If you’re looking to meet other moms in a similar phase of life, or if you need more professional support for your mental health, or to support your child’s development, there’s support for you.
Local East Valley Groups to Meet Other Moms
Parenting Village– playgroups
Roots and Rise Collective– support groups and classes
Fit 4 Moms Tempe, Chandler, Gilbert– fitness and play groups
Fit 4 Moms Queen Creek – fitness and play groups (mention us for a FREE month)
Let’s Stroll AZ – stroller walking clubs and mom fellowship
MomCo/MOPS (Christian mom organization)
Local East Valley Support Services for Kids and Moms
Women’s Health Innovations of Arizona– counseling, support groups
The Women’s Collective– support groups
For more support for moms with kids ages 0- 5 years old, check out this blog post: Early Help and Early Education: A Guide for Mamas from Birth to 5
All our best tips here if you’re looking to make mom friends if you have young kids, or if your kids are teens or tweens.
Asking for Help in Moms Groups
I think about one night, when I was a scared new mom: I was three weeks postpartum with my son. I was tired, only sleeping in 45 minute increments in 24 hour periods. I was going through a tough postpartum spell (I didn’t know it at the time). I knew, I needed help.
I went to a local mom group on social media and asked for a recommendation for a night nurse, my husband and I needed sleep. The only way we were going to get any was to have help at night.
Within minutes of posting so many wonderful women poured in their recommendations. Then, there was one comment from one woman who left a comment that was less than kind to say the least. Definitely not a comment a new, exhausted mother should read. Granted, within seconds other women came roaring to my defense, championing me, supporting me, offering their own stories of hardship in new motherhood.
It was a night I truly felt like I broke the internet with the amount of supportive comments, messages, texts and calls I was receiving from friends and family.
It was also a night I felt two competing emotions in regards to asking for help: validation and shame.
Feeling validated in so many women sharing their stories of challenges in motherhood, so many women ready to provide recommendations and comfort.
Feeling shame from this one comment, made by a woman I don’t know. The comment made me feel like something was wrong with me, that I couldn’t handle motherhood.
I learned that night that asking for help made me feel vulnerable. It took me some time and some challenging motherhood moments to learn that feeling vulnerable does not make me incapable or less than, it just makes me human.
Learning to be willing to put myself out there and admitting that I needed help is the first step I took in learning how to ask for help.
In our social media connected world, I feel I am so much more interpersonally distant from a community. We are so connected to others on social media, but are we connected IRL?
I know, everyone is asking where this community who is supposed to help me raise my child is at. Is there a number I call or something?
The truth is the community has changed.
I know all my friends have their own family, their own lives, own schedules and are going through the same motherhood challenges I am. I would never want to be a burden on my friends, which stops me from asking for help.
In conversation with a friend, she asked me “doesn’t it feel so good when you are able to help a friend with something?”
My response was “yes, of course. I love helping my friends.”
My friend’s response opened a new way of thinking when it comes to asking for help- she said “then why are you not allowing your friends to have the same feeling?”
There is no better feeling than feeling needed. Asking for help is a way I can create community with the people around me. Opening the opportunity for shared support by asking for support, creates bonds and friendships that can turn into the community I am looking for. I know how good I feel when I am able to help others, I want to be able to provide that feeling to someone else.
