Making mom friends is hard. Making mom friends after moving to a new state is even harder.
“Hi! I’m Nicole.”
I’ve been saying that a lot lately.
A couple of months ago, my family loaded up a Penske truck and moved our circus 1900 miles away from Georgia, where we had lived for the past 14 years. (PS: East Valley Moms has an amazing transplant guide for new-to-the-area families here.)
We left the plot of land my husband was raised on in search of adventure and boy have we found it. It’s been a wild six months that we are just now settling down from.
When we first decided to move, my aunt asked me if I was sure I was OK leaving my girlfriends and I answered immediately with a resounding yes.
It wasn’t that I didn’t think I would miss them. I knew without a doubt that I would. My confidence was born more out of the chance to live close to my family after 14 years of having to board a plane to see them.
The week before I left, I invited my closest friends over for wine in dixie cups and chips (we are obviously a very classy group). And it wasn’t until I sat there, laughing until my sides hurt, that it hit me just how lonely I would be without them.
our last back porch girl’s night,
photo credit: my 4 year old, Gabe
This group, my Village, had grown up with me
They saw me get married, somewhat spontaneously, after a two week engagement.
They walked me through some very dark days of infertility and two adoptions, one that threatened to rip my heart out.
Most recently, this group of ladies had rallied around me as my four year old had his third open heart surgery, delivering endless Starbucks and comic relief to my exhausted soul.
They loved my kids as their own and accepted me, all of me, without judgement. I knew, without a doubt, that I could call on any one of them and they would run to my side with a Venti Carmel Machiatto or a bottle of white wine, depending on the time of day.
And in a few days, they’d all be 1900 miles away.
I miss them deeply and know that they are irreplaceable. I also know that it will take years to even come close. So after giving myself a few weeks to feel bad about how much I missed them, I realized that if I wanted to create My Village: Arizona Division, I needed to get out of my comfort zone and make it happen.
Making friends is hard.
It’s like dating, and I hated dating.
It was awkward and uncomfortable.
I may even go so far as to say, making girlfriends is even worse. I mean, can’t you all just read my blog and we will pretend we’ve known each other forever?
I’ve been here for a few months now and, while I still haven’t made any solid friendships, I have found some simple things I can do that are helping the process along. And today I want to share them with you in case any of you are hoping to take the plunge into making some new friends.
Making new mom friends after moving tip 1: Be Bold
Oh, this one is hard for me. Stepping out alone makes me feel vulnerable. Back in Georgia, if I didn’t know a handful of people going to an event, I wasn’t going.
Flash forward to Friendless Week 8 and I didn’t even think twice about a park play date with a woman I met on Facebook.
If I stay home and wait for a friend to knock on my door, I’m going to live a very lonely life. I have to be courageous and when I’m not feeling very courageous, I need to fake it until I make it.
Making new mom friends after moving tip 2: Speak Up
To make friends, you’ll have to, gasp, leave your house and say hello to people. In my search for some buddies, I’ve learned that most of us assume that everyone is with someone else.
I’ve been so relieved at how nice people are once I tell them I’m new here. Most ladies want you to feel welcome and if you let them know, “hey, I need a friend,” I think you’ll be surprised by how many are willing and ready to fill that role.
Making new mom friends after moving tip 3: Seek Out Your People
We are lucky. We live in a time where we can scope out people before we actually meet them. I know there are mixed feelings about social media and how it can distance us from real humans.
But I’ve used Facebook and Instagram to connect to quite a few groups here in Arizona (East Valley Moms included, whoop whoop!).
MOPS, home school groups, library goers.
You name it, there’s a Facebook group for it. If you’re nervous about meeting people, try connecting online first. Social media can be an awesome tool. As long as you make sure to translate those online friendships into real, live, people connections! (Here’s our list of must-join, local Facebook groups for moms)
Making new mom friends after moving tip 4: Don’t Assume
See that girl dressed in the world’s cutest outfit? Or that one with a full calendar?
How about the one with kids that aren’t quite your kids ages? I bet she could use a friend.
Really, women were made for relationship and there isn’t a magic quota that means the docket is full. When we get inside of our heads, we start comparing and it’s really easy to convince yourself you just won’t fit in or aren’t needed in a group.
In reality, what you have is valuable and needed. The missing link! It takes a lot of effort, but don’t assume your way out of a friendship that you didn’t even give a chance to.
Mom friendships take time and effort, but they are so, so worth it.
I want that for me and for you too! Hey, maybe you will be my new best friend. Just do me a favor and read my blog first so we can skip all that awkward.
Alright ladies, what are your best friend making tips?
Here’s a few more tips and tricks for making mom friends:
