If you’re considering having an alternate birthday party for your child, one that isn’t a big kid-centric party, you’re not alone.
Opting out of hosting a birthday party for your child is becoming more commonplace.
Perhaps it’s another unintended consequence of COVID?
Perhaps it’s the economy?
Perhaps it’s because we, as moms, are just tired?
Over the last 18 months or so, I’ve noticed that more local moms are unashamedly declaring they’re skipping the blowout birthday parties annually.
The first couple times I heard moms unapologetically say how much they hated birthday parties I was genuinely surprised; judging by Pinterest, big parties are still a thing.
But, after asking more questions about opting out of birthday parties, I get it (and I tried it myself this year for my son’s third birthday).
These families aren’t skipping the celebration of their children’s milestones.
They aren’t mean or lazy.
Three local moms across Florence, Mesa, and Queen Creek share how their decision to pass on the party portion of their children’s birthday is intentional, and how they’ve turned birthday celebrations into different rituals and routines for their kids.
Read on for inspiration on how to celebrate your kids without a Pinterest perfect birthday party.
XO,
East Valley Moms
Age of your kids: 19, 10, 9, 6 and 3
- Why do you skip the big birthday parties? Most of them are high cost but low value. It is very hard to get enough kids to come to make it worthwhile. Also, it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s busy schedule.
- How do you celebrate birthday parties instead of a party? Family getaway/experiences. On the day of the child’s birthday, we make it all about them, like a special trip to their favorite restaurant/treat and a trip to the store to pick out a gift. We chose to do more individualized activities to make it more about them and less about a party.
- Did you start this from the beginning or was there a birthday that changed things for your family? We made the switch during Covid. Since we could not gather with friends anyway, it gave us opportunities to focus more on our family and what we actually wanted to do. We were able to save up for bigger expenses that the kids can remember; Cabin trips, Disney, and a cross country trip to Michigan.
Age of your kids: 13, 11, 3 and 1- Why do you skip the big birthday parties? The prep and stress of it all never pays off. Your kids may invite a lot of people but most never show. When that happens, you end up spending a lot of time consoling your child due to unmet expectations they had and then also managing the ones you had.
- How do you celebrate birthday parties instead of a party? We do a party with family and maybe a few close friends. We typically do them at our house with some activities that our kids want to do. As our preteens got older we started doing activities together they enjoy with family, and then coming back to our house for cake and presents.
- Did you start this from the beginning or was there a birthday that changed things for your family? There was a birthday that changed things. We had a party at Elevate and only half the kids showed. It was a lot of money out of pocket that was wasted and my son was sad.
Age of your kids: 1.5 and 4.5 (and a third on the way!)- Why do you skip the big birthday parties? We did a big-ish party for my oldest’s first and second birthdays. It was fun in the sense that it was a gathering of all my friends and family, but it was a lot of work and money for a guest of honor who literally has NO IDEA what’s happening and doesn’t care–the ROI isn’t there!
I prefer to store up all of my party throwing capacity for when my boys are actually old enough to request something specific. But then I also plan to give the option of a larger experience with 1 or 2 “best friends” over a party, as well. If they pick the party, then so be it. But then I’ll at least feel like my effort matters. I also LOATHE the entire notion of birthday presents, so I honestly would prefer to have a “not party” party which puts out the vibe that gifts are not expected or necessary.
- How do you celebrate birthday parties instead of a party? For my youngest’s first birthday and my oldest’s third and fourth, I told my neighbors and some friends that we would be brining donut holes to one of our neighborhood parks one morning and whoever wanted to come and sing Happy Birthday was welcome. I try to get some kind of birthday shirt, a small bunch of balloons and I bring candles for the birthday boy’s donut. That’s it. The kids have fun, I get pictures with balloons and a video of my boys being sang to: DONE! Then we usually do another dinner celebration at my parents’ house that is equally low key.
- Did you start this from the beginning or was there a birthday that changed things for your family? We’ve done “not party” parties since the beginning. It works for us. I don’t doubt that my boys feel loved and celebrated just as much as they would if we threw giant blow outs.
