Being a parent has taught me a lot of really important lessons. I have learned to expect the unexpected. I have learned that I can do hard things. I have learned that maybe sleep deprivation is really a true form of torture. I have learned to be a professional multitasker. But I think, perhaps, the biggest lesson of all is that as a parent, I have learned to judge people less, and I have developed a sense of empathy that I never had before.
It doesn’t feel like that long ago that I was walking into daycare, wearing heels, carrying my six-month-old in his infant carrier and five bags of yesterday’s pumped milk as I was heading out for another long day of client meetings and whatever else at the office. I was wearing a silk blouse that I threw on literally two minutes before I left the house because I know it was destined to end up covered in spit up if I wore it any longer. I remember seeing the parents dropping off their kids in yoga pants and, to be honest, I was super judgy. “If they’re not going to work, why are their kids in daycare? What are they going to do all day?”
Flash forward four years and I’m the Mom doing daycare dropoff wearing my Lululemons, my Ugg boots, and truthfully, it’s a good day if I have mascara on. The mom bun has become my signature hairdo. I’m the hot mess mom at daycare drop off. But you know what else? Things are different now. By the time I drop my kids off at 9:00 am, I’ve usually been up for four hours, have logged two hours of work, and have had a conference call or two. The joys of working remote, huh? So, maybe that Mom I was rolling my eyes at a few years ago was a work-from-home mom like me. Or you know what? Maybe she wasn’t. But either way, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have judged her. I’ve learned that really, truly, most of us are all just doing our best. Other parents don’t need my judging, and I certainly don’t need that negativity in my life anyways.
The mom who is always late? Maybe her kid had a blowout. Or maybe her kid can’t keep his shoes on to save his life. Or maybe her kid needed the green socks instead of the yellow socks.
The mom who RSVPs “No” to everything? Maybe her husband is deployed and it’s just, really truly too much work when she’s just trying to keep everyone alive.
The kid throwing the temper tantrum at the restaurant? Maybe he has family in town from overseas and hasn’t had a nap in three days. Or maybe they’re sleeping training, or potty training, or just transitioned from a crib. (I remember how hard each of those was for our little ones).
There could be a thousand explanations for any scenario, and usually, I don’t even try to guess anymore. It’s none of my business. But I know, and I always try to remind myself, because I’m not perfect, that as a parent, I’ve had some really, really low moments. Some tough times. Some points of weakness. And I would have really hated if someone judged me, or my family, on those times. Because that’s not who we are; that’s not the kind of mom that I am.
This parenting gig is hard. And we all have our own stories to tell. We are all just doing our best.
