One thing that I experienced the first year of raising my daughter, is how much my husband and I did not spend time with each other. I could count of my hand the numbers of times nights we spent together 1-on-1 away from our chaotic life. And no I am not talking or counting the vegging out on the count together after the baby is down. There has been plenty of those nights where we binge watch a million TV shows and then head to bed. I am talking about a quality date night, where I get dressed up (or at least put on clothes other than sweats and wash my hair) and spend time with my husband, just him and I.
Something that really dawned on us just how far we had gone was when it was my birthday dinner, and we were just in awe how long we were each able to talk to one another without being interrupted by a baby, our dogs or work. It was probably the longest we had talked to one another in the same amount of time since my daughter was born. That got me thinking, why don’t we do this more often, why don’t we go on date nights more? I quickly pushed it out of my mind because the end of the year was around the corner and we had a million and one things going on. I also was afraid to admit that maybe we needed it, that maybe we were struggling to connect.
Day after day and week after week went by and I felt like my husband and I were desperately needing to talk, to laugh, to date. We started listening to the Rise Together podcast by Rachel and Dave Hollis. One of their podcast episodes is all about date nights! After listening to this podcast we made it our goal and mission to go a date nights together.
We learned date night will 100% work if you plan it! Here is my BEST TIPS to successfully scheduling DATE NIGHT and to make it happen:
- SCHEDULE date night. No really, literally write it down on a calendar, mark it on your google calendar, set reminders. Block off time for it within your week. My husband and I settled on having a date night every other Wednesday night. We felt having one once a week was a little ambitious for us to start off. We write it down on each of our calendars that way there is no question in our mind what we are doing next Wednesday night together.
- SCHEDULE part 2. Call for reservations, buy the movie tickets in advance, purchase the groupon prior to your date night. Have everything seriously set in stone for your date night.
- FIND childcare. Have it already set up and planned weeks in advance. Since you have it already scheduled on your calendar you should know and be able to plan ahead and get someone to watch the kiddos. We are very lucky and were able to ask my mother-in-law to come over at 5pm every Wednesday and watch our daughter. This is a win-win for both of us, we get to get away and she gets to spend some time with Harper.
- EVEN IF you don’t have childcare, still have a date night. Yup, still do it! Put the baby or kids to bed and have some time alone with one another. I will talk more about this later.
- Do something NEW. The Rise Together podcasts suggests do something that is out of our normal routine. We take it serious and go somewhere we have never been before or trying something new together. We found that when we have the most fun is when we experience new things together. So we try new restaurants and experience places we have never gone to.
- It DOES NOT have to cost money. You don’t have to go drop a bunch of money each time you do a date night. You can have date nights at home, especially if you can’t find childcare. Just do something that is out of your normal routine to make it feel special. Have game night, pop a bottle of wine and site by the fire, just think outside the box.
- Take TURNS planning date night. My husband and I rotate who plans what date nights. That way the burden is not one just one person always. We are each taking turns in putting forth effort in planning them. I find it fun to plan something for us, and usually when it is my turn to plan something for us I try to choose something that is more catered to what Matt likes, and usually when it is his turn he does the same.
- Leave your GUILT at home. A major rule to date nights is to not feel guilty about spending time with one another. Focus on each other and just being together. There is no reason to feel guilty leaving your child at home, I promise you, they are being well taken care of. Spending quality time together is more important than anything going on in your life right now. Live in the moment and soak in the time with your better half.
If you follow my 8 tips, I promise date nights can happen. If you commit together to add it into your regularly routine then it WILL HAPPEN. Scheduling our date nights have made all the difference in our relationship. We are able to reconnect and spend quality time together that matters. Follow along with our date night adventures on instagram – @kelscita.
