Project Staci — How I finally learned to make time for myself

Resolution time is upon us, and every year I try to make a few and actually keep them! Usually they have to do with my kids, my hubby, my home or countless other people in my life — that’s because I am the exact opposite of a “me” person. I always thought that made me special, like being selfless to a fault was some sort of accolade I’d collected in a contest. And no matter how many times my mom, my husband, even my friends told me I should really calm down and stop doing so much for other people, I blissfully tossed the advice aside (while I baked cookies for a new neighbor).

Here’s the funny part (well, ironic more than funny) — I often find that my good deeds either A. Go unnoticed, B. Are not returned or C. Are expected by now and therefor unappreciated. Yet, I continue to the point that I often feel burnt out and sometimes downright used. But I’ve brought it on myself . Que “vicious cycle.”

So this year I promised myself (while exhausted from making goody bags for my daughter’s class that were not asked of me to make) that my resolution would be simple in 2014 — I would be better to (gulp) ME. It sounds selfish and silly, but I really feel that this is the only way to hold myself truly accountable for putting myself at least toward the middle of my priority list (baby steps here people).

So how does one accomplish such a task? As a stay at home mom whose husband works ridiculously long hours, (yes I’m an IT widow) I always feel like I need to keep my kids occupied and beaming with elation every second of every day — playdates, crafts, baking, outings to all the local kiddy hot spots — the list goes on and on. And when we aren’t busy I am always finding ways to help their teachers, make parties for all their friends — you see the pattern here. This year, part one of my resolution will be allowing us all some free time. I have an enormous backyard — the kids can play in it unsupervised for a bit on weekends. I have buckets of art supplies in the pantry — the kids can take them out and create on their own. I have baked oodles of cookies, fudge, pies and lemon squares for my hubby’s coworkers and teachers the last few months — they will be ok without goodies for a bit. I have had three parties during the duration of fall and winter for my kid’s friends — I can skip Valentine’s Day. I’ve spent hours sometimes creating gorgeous snacks for our assigned snack days at school — I can buy goldfish crackers. I can be normal, and not Supermom, it’s ok.

I am a chronic entertainer. That’s ok, I tell myself. After all, I’ve waited four years to own my dream home and now that I have it, I want to share it. I have done so many times over this past year – barbecues, playdates, parties, tea dates, meetings…my backyard, kitchen and playroom have probably been cleaned up more than they’ve stayed neat.  I love having people around, yes, and will continue to, but I’ve discovered a new concept: Invite once. Wait for an invitation back. Invite again.  I don’t need to entertain over and over without letting someone else repay the job of clean up. And to my friends and family who have…kudos to you!

I am a “yes” person. “Staci, do you have time to go get me 100 boxes for a class project?” Of course I do. “Staci, can you bake for me for a work potluck that I forgot about, but it’s tomorrow?” Absolutely. “Staci, can you help me out with world hunger?” No biggie.  This year is the year of “Well, I’m kinda busy so I will have to say no this time around.” That’s right. No explanation, no guilt.  I think that’s just me being human, right?

Not to be forgotten in my quest, is a simple need to be who I am more often. I will exercise. I will cook. I will go out for girl’s nights. I will maybe get my hair cut and colored every three months. I will watch an adult program once in awhile. I will be a writer (thank goodness for East Valley Moms Blog!) I will be me…because everyone is in my life for a reason…it’s because they like who I am and I like you they are. They will respect my need to sigh and decline sometimes. Those of you who love me will love me more (trust me) when I have the time for me once in awhile!