Lessons I’ve learned about motherhood so far:
1) Poop happens. It just does. And it always happens in the most inconvenient times and places. Examples include: the grocery store checkout line, the swimming pool, and best of all, on the way to the bathtub. My first, (and if you’re my husband you’d say most hilarious) Mom-Fail ever was undressing my child in her room (diaper and all) and carrying her butt-arse-naked to the kitchen sink where I bathe her in her little tub. You first need to know, that the REASON she was getting a bath at this exact moment was due to the world’s most massive blowout-diaper. I took care of the major mess with a few wipes, swept her into my arms and hustled to the tub… where, in the 5 seconds it takes to walk down the hallway, she manages to spew even more breast-fed-baby-watery-poop all down my hand, arm, and shirt… and the floor. Not only does poop happen, you soon find that poop is no longer gross. It doesn’t phase you like it once did. Pre-baby, having another person’s poop splattered on your hands, shirt, and floor would have been reprehensible. Not anymore. Now you roll your eyes as the cat licks it up and you carryon. Welcome to motherhood!
2) Reusable swim diapers do not, I repeat do not, hold in pee. Our first swim lesson we arrived ten minutes late. In a desperate attempt to avoid being *that mom* I was determined to arrive well in advance for the next lesson. I thought ahead by putting my swimsuit on before I left the house, and figured I’d save time by putting my 3 month old daughter in her swim diaper before we left the house too. Score points for extra-prepared-mom-of-the-year right? Wrong. Swim diapers, as I quickly learned are intended ONLY to trap the poop from spreading in the pool, causing an embarrassing “Code Brown” situation. Swim diapers DO NOT trap in the pee that inevitably happens in the car. All over the car seat. (Mom-Fail #2).
3) Always have an extra change of clothes for baby… and mom. I was warned by many mom-friends to always pack a change of clothes in the diaper bag (see lesson #1 above). The wisdom they failed to impart on me was to also pack a change of clothes for mom! Because mom is always holding baby when the expensive diapers that *promise* not to leak, spew forth the frothy, green, seedy goodness that we discussed in lesson #1.
4) It’s totally normal and actually EXPECTED that you monitor your babies diapers. By monitor, I mean, stick your nose in, take a whiff, and take note of the color, texture, and volume of the above mentioned poop. I have to admit I was a tad taken aback when the pediatrician first asked me about my daughter’s diapers. But after finding blood in her diaper, I became a poop-aficionado. Seedy? Healthy breast fed baby! Mucous? Maybe a tummy problem or foremilk/hind milk imbalance. Blood? Probably a dairy allergy.
5) That first smile will change your life in ways you never thought possible. When my daughter first smiled at me, I figured she must be gassy. After a few good baby-farts, she was still smiling. Then I realized she was smiling AT me! She melted my heart at that very moment. It doesn’t get any better than this.
What lessons have you learned as you take this journey through motherhood? I’d love to hear all about your mom-fails so I know I’m not alone!
