As the mother of four children under 6, I find I benefit from therapy. My therapy consists of commiserating with my “person”. My “person” also has many children ( she’s the Super mom of 5 children 6 and under) and can relate to my insane life. A while ago she made me think about how often we as moms (in general) say no to our children. I wonder, how much contention that little word creates between mother and child throughout the day? I know in our family, it’s a lot.
During our conversation, my friend mentioned that she learned that we should say yes to our children 90% of the time.
If you’re initial reaction is “Um, no. No way in #$@% that’s happening.”
Yeah me too.
The trick is to say yes 90% of the time with limits. So yes, my child can have goldfish right before dinner, but I’ll only give him 4 fish rather than a whole bowlful.
I have been trying this out ever since, and guess what? I feel less crazy. There is less battling between myself and my children. Also, I’m less of a hypocrite when I tell my kids no snacks as I stuff myself with popcorn. My children, especially my stubborn second born, are happier. Being told no more often than not can be extremely deflating. I realized 90% of the time I did say “No” to my kids when really it wasn’t a big deal either way.
I’m not saying it’s perfect, because it isn’t. I do feel like sometimes my kids take advantage and will try to push the limits. That was happening anyway though. Now my children are more apt to understand the limits and why mommy sets them. I also believe now that I say NO less, it carries more weight. My kids aren’t as likely to argue with my “No.” now because they don’t hear it as often. My hope is that this experiment has made me a little bit better as a mom and will help my kids better understand boundaries. So far, I think so.
