Parenting the Middle Child

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I am the oldest of two. I previously talked about parenting an oldest child and how though it presents challenges due to the similarities I share with my first born, at the same time I know firsthand what it is like to be the eldest so I have some experience to draw upon in that regard. But coming from a family of two children, there was no middle child. And after we had our third child, it became very clear that birth order was in fact a very real thing.

Our oldest daughter – so responsible, routine oriented, a little mother. Our youngest – the perpetual baby of the family, good at getting what she wanted and letting others take care of her. And then our middle daughter…our honey badger, as we lovingly call her. She was by far and away the easiest baby. Always happy and smiling. The peacemaker, a trait consistent with most second born children. She has always marched to the beat of her own drum. Even as an infant, her big blue eyes were always wide open – observing, watching, taking it all in. Referring to herself as the “medium chick,” she seems to enjoy where she lands in the family, sometimes falling in line with her big sister and other times, meeting her little sister where she is and embracing their 19 month age gap. Parenting a middle child | East Valley Moms Blog

Different from her sisters, we both had some experience when she was born (different from out first) but also weren’t totally exhausted (as with our third), so our approach in raising her has become kind of a hybrid method. Sometimes we are strict. Sometimes we let her do whatever she wants. Sometimes we mimic what we did with our firstborn and sometimes we try new tactics. As I have learned more about the qualities a second born typically has, I naively assumed not all of them could possibly apply to our birth order situation. But one by one, these traits have somehow made themselves known. For example, you DO forget about the middle child (Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!) In our case, I completely forgot to take our middle child in for her 3 year well visit. It wasn’t until she went to preschool and I called for her shot records that I even realized it. As they told me, “No, Mrs. Henning…she was last seen for her 2 year well visit…” I was both laden with guilt and a little amused to see this stereotype come to fruition. *Please note – I have not forgotten a well visit since. 

Second borns are cunning but fiercely protective. She will scheme with one sister against the other. She is always negotiating a later bedtime, after dinner treat, or extra screen time. But my goodness is she loyal. If one of her sisters is hurt or sick, she is the first one to try to make them feel better. She loves family time and still often cries when I have to leave for work or travel without her. 

Another stereotype that has proven to be very true is that middle children are also the toughest to figure out. Our middle daughter can be both totally affect-less and then intensely emotional in a very short span of time.  Many a time I have asked in frustration “What do you want?!?” only to be met with a weepy, “I don’t know!” Meeting her outbursts with patience works sometimes and other times, it seems to make her amp out more. She can drive me bananas with her stubbornness one minute and then completely melt me with her sweetness the next. 
 
Like others in this birth order place, she also does very little to seek out attention. Different from her sisters who always want to perform in front of someone, eyes on them, sharing their talents, our middle daughter can usually be found dancing/singing/acting all by herself in her own audience of one. But she is by no means shy. She lights up on stage and will boldly dance in the middle of Target if the mood moves her.
 
Though parenting in the middle isn’t always the easiest, it is rewarding, humorous, and often times a total guessing game just like parenting any other number in the lineup of children. Our middle daughter keeps us on our toes but also brings immense joy to our lives and laughter into our home every single day. I cannot wait to see how this little firecracker impacts the world and I only hope to be half as cool as she is when I grow up someday. 

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