I Am Their Mama – November is Adoption Awareness Month

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November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month and as an adoptive and bio mama of 5, I thought it my duty to share the awareness side of this beautiful thing called adoption.

A few months back my husband was shopping with our youngest. She has stunning hazel colored eyes and my husbands a vast dark difference. The cashier was looking at our baby girl, commenting on her eyes and looks at my husband and asks “where did she get those eyes from?” my husband without missing a beat responded, “her father” and walked away, I can only imagine, leaving her totally perplexed.

Back when our youngest was a newborn and our son was only a year old, I went shopping alone with them. I’m sure I looked as disheveled as I felt. I had all the things we need when venturing out with tiny ones. The only bags in comparison to that diaper bag were the ones under my eyes. And while I am bouncing the crying newborn and trying to calm the one year old the sales associate asked, “are they yours”. I stared her down. “Yes they are mine”. Who did she think I was? Mrs. Doubtfire? It really bothered me that she didn’t assume the babies I was giving every ounce of me to were mine.

Another time I had to bring our newborn with us to our sons dentist appointment and the assistant asked how I had a baby but wasn’t recently pregnant (fair question). As I explained to her that we were fostering she said “oh I could never do that… my heart is just way too big” I just looked at her and smiled thinking, it’s a good thing I have Grinch sized heart. 

And just this week an acquaintance of ours overheard our son call me mama and he questioned me, “he calls you mama?” Again deer in the headlights. He knows our story, yet he was still surprised to hear our son calls me mama. 

Yes, I am their mama.

I opened our front door filled with a rush of nervousness and excitement and saw him, just 9 months old, he smiled and reached out for me. I was a total stranger seconds before but in my arms he became mine, and I his. I fought for his therapy and needed medical procedures. I took him to each appointment for two rounds of a doc band. And when he has “trauma days” I just hold him. And only three months after his arrival when his sister was born, we said yes. We brought her home from the hospital. Got up every two hours to feed her. We snuggled, rocked and loved on her. We watched each of them take their first steps. Say their first words. Go on family vacations. Break up all their fights. We’ve celebrated all the milestones and we speak with specialists about concerns. We have grieved for their losses and have gone above and beyond to maintain contact with their biological parents and grandparents. We never missed a court hearing or trial date. All the while living in fear they could be taken at any moment. But regardless, we loved fiercely and protectively because they deserved all of us, regardless of our fears.

Yes, I am their mama. 

I Am Their Mama - November is Adoption Awareness Month | East Valley Moms Blog

On August 1st 2018 the judge banged her gavel and declare us legally their parents. We stood in front of our family, our close friends and their biological mother, who supported our adoption, and we cried with the relief of it finally being official. The pain leading up to that moment was of course different than childbirth, but that euphoria was very similar. 

Adoption is something that stems from heart break and loss. We never want to glaze over that. We have to recognize that no matter how hard we love. No matter how much work we put into mending the break, it is there. But we will still love hard, we will always work harder to ease that pain. We are thankful their bio mama showed up that day. I can’t imagine how painful it was for her. But she showed up and we have those photos for the kids forever. That day not only did our immediate family grow, but our extended family did as well. Were bonded not by blood, but by bravery and courage with love laced all throughout and I think that may be stronger.  

When you see a family that maybe doesn’t quite “match” don’t be so quick to dismiss them as family. Families come in all shapes, colors and sizes and I can’t think of anything more beautiful. Take this November to be aware of these differences and celebrate the beauty of adoption. 

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