Today we’re taking a moment to reflect on childhood cancer and the families who have navigated the heartbreak of seeing their children suffer through cancer.
We celebrate those who are survivors.
We honor those who were gone too soon.
XO,
East Valley Moms
Trigger warning: childhood cancer and loss
A perfect baby girl, Mila
What an honor it is to share this story. Mila was born on August 17, 2004 – – day I will remember for the rest of my life. My daughter, first born, was here!! I gave birth in Chandler AZ at the regional hospital. She was beautiful. A full head of dark hair. All 10 fingers and toes. Her little lips and big eyes. All mine! My precious little angel, that I had been wait a long 10 months to meet, was finally here.
I named her Mila.
She was perfect.
Strong and healthy!!
Raising Mila as a single mother for most of her life was easy. I guess at the time, I didn’t really know any different.
She grew up so fast, and was well beyond her age with her intelligence, and her personality. I felt she wasn’t a baby long, and before I knew it I had a little toddler! We would dance together, and sing silly songs! I would do her hair in little pig tails, and dress her to the nines in perfectly matching outfits. I was very proud.
Failure to Thrive Diagnosis
Mila was thriving. Everything seemed to be “on chart” at all her doctor appointments, and I lived everyday happy and looking forward to the next. I would think of, her first day of school, what sports she would play, her prom….. Then Mila stopped eating well.
It was gradual.
Like, she became really picky.
She would eat one thing one day, but nothing the next! She lived off milk. I was worried, so like any worried mom, I took her to the pediatrician. “Mom, you are skinny, so SHE is skinny” I was told. “Babies are picky eaters sometimes!” Now, don’t read this in fear and look at your own child. Kids ARE picky. They do go through fazes. Teething, growth spurts, ect! So please, don’t read this and rush to the Doc!
Week after week, and more pediatrician visits happened.
Finally, after begging my doctor, I was sent to the nearest hospital.
Mila and I spent 14 days and went thought numerous tests, and left with the diagnoses of Failure To Thrive.
They sent me home with a feeding tube, and said all she needed was the nutrients. After a while on the feeding tube, I didn’t see improvement. I could see Mila changing. Small things. She wouldn’t laugh or giggle as much. She was weaker and slower.
When she stopped walking, we knew something more was wrong
Then one day, Mila stopped walking. She just wouldn’t walk. We went to Phoenix Childen’s Hospital.
Instantly this hospital was different. It was beautiful. I felt instantly loved, and saw the care for Mila! The Doctor told me he was going to check Mila from head to toe and figure out what was wrong.
I remember saying, “you are going to tell me she has a tumor, I know it.” He promised me he wouldn’t. A few hours, and an MRI later, this wonderful Doctor came to me, stood with me, and told me the devastating news.
My sweet little 2 year old daughter had a brain tumor.
He cried.
I cried.
We spent a month and a half in the hospital.
A brain tumor diagnosis
Mila went through a few surgeries to see if it was operable, and to get a port if so. During that time I was given her diagnoses. 2-6 month life expectancy.
We made many wonderful friends at the hospital. It was hard to leave, but it was good to know I could take Mila home to be where she wanted for this short amount of time we had left.
We spent the next few months under hospice care. We lived with my gracious parents, Nana and Papa Trafzer to Mila. They cared for me so I could care for Mila.
She never cried, never complained. She loved Sponge Bob, caramels, noodles, pancakes, M&M’s and Mommy. That was her life!! And she was mine.
I had a very intense schedule of medication. She would often tell me she was brave, or talk of the angels that visited her. She couldn’t walk so we painted toes and colored. Any project we could do while she was in bed that a 2 year old would love.
10 months after she was diagnosed with childhood cancer, I spent what I didn’t know to be the last night with my little Mila. I remember we had a really good day. We painted and laughed. Watched our shows and snuggled.
I slept next to her every night and we “held hands” because that was how we wanted it. I kissed her and said that I loved her. She told me she loved me too. She slipped into a coma. I was able to sing to her before she took her last breath, her favorite song. “You are my sunshine….my only sunshine.”
I held her, and kissed her, and she took her last breath on June 18th, 2007.
The memories I have of her, are forever. They are in my heart, folded and tucked away to be cherished until we one day can be together again. I know I will see her.
It is my belief, she is my eternal family with my wonderful husband Blake, and our son Liam, who was born on November 5, 2012.
Missing her
I find myself lost in thought often. I still wonder about her first day of school, and what she would have learned. I think about if she’d do dance, or play sports.
I wonder what she would have worn to prom, and how I would have done her hair. I think of her with Liam, and what an awesome big sister she would have been. Who she would have married, and what her children would have looked like.
But, I know, that she isn’t suffering anymore. She is free from pain, and doing what she should be doing now in heaven. I had a small amount of time to love her on this earth, but I have forever to love her in heaven. She will always be, my sunshine….and I will always love her, to the moon
and back.
Thank you Phoenix Children’s Hospital for the love you give to the angels you care for. Thank you to Melissa Martin for making my Mila be part of you shaving your head for childhood cancer in September. Thank you for letting me part of this blog, to tell Mila’s story and spread awareness and one day, hopefully find a cure.
Written by Andi Calhoun, mom to Mila
Andi’s friend Melissa helps raise awareness for Mila and other children who have battled or are battling childhood cancer. You can learn more at http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/MelissaMartin.
Read about one Gilbert family’s experience receiving a make-a-wish family cruise for their daughter’s rare genetic disorder.
