Hi Mamas!
Here is my local story of open adoption, how the logistics work for us, and tips for other families considering open adoption.
There is so much to talk about and address when it comes to open adoption.
My full disclosure statement is that every adoption story is so different and levels of openness can change over time. There is no “right” or “wrong” way when it comes to openness in adoption.
What works for one family can look vastly different from another. I will share as much as I can about our open adoption while also trying to continue to protect my son’s story and honor his birth family to the best of my ability.
XO,
Barbara
Education
When we first thought about adopting we were very much in the mindset of “closed adoption only” because of our own fears. After completing our education classes and home study with Joining Hearts AZ we were convinced that open or semi-open adoption was definitely the way to go.
In fact, closed adoptions are not very common these days. Between social media and DNA testing it would be difficult to maintain.
If it was a situation where a baby was brought to a “Safe Haven” location then it would be closed due to lack of information about the birth family.
There are so many misconceptions out there about open adoption. The one I have heard the most is, “Well aren’t you worried about it? Won’t it confuse your son?” My answer is always and will continue to be, “No, not one bit.”
When my husband and I first started the journey to adopt, we were clueless about the adoption world and positive adoption language (example: it is best to say “placed for adoption/made an adoption plan” rather than “give up/put up”).
We are still learning and growing to be better educated for our son and his birth family. We enjoy listening to podcasts surrounding the topic of adoption, reading books, and participating in coaching calls led by our advisor.
Identity
We kept hearing this same theme over and over again, “It’s better for the child to know they are adopted. It’s so important for their identity. Do not let it be a big secret that you keep from them. Be as honest as you can.”
As more adult adoptees come forward to share their story, our society is learning more about the benefits of open adoption.
We made it a point, from day one, to let Cameron know he is adopted.
We started with reading books about adoption and we practiced telling him his story as a baby.
We remember to pray for his birth family and we make it a point to talk about them during natural conversations. We have a picture in his bedroom of his birth mother holding him in the hospital. It is a great way to remind ourselves to pray for her and to talk about her.
When he has tough questions one day, we hope we have created a space of honesty and openness where he feels comfortable to ask us. We may not have all the answers, or even be ready to respond, but we have opened the door.
Communication and Visits
We have a private group on Facebook that we enjoy using to update Cameron’s birth family. We post photos and videos as often as we can because we know they love and appreciate seeing his growth and progress.
We love sharing big milestones or even something funny he did that day. We love learning about the qualities he gets from his birth family and we write them down so we can tell him one day.
Other families we know use 23 Snaps, TinyBeans, Google Photos, ChildConnect, or other types of apps to communicate.
We have been fortunate to see Cameron’s birth family on a few occasions. Playing at the park and going out to eat has worked for us.
I personally love seeing Cameron interact with his birth family and I love that he knows they are important people in our life that we treasure.
In closing, I want to say that open adoption does not have to be scary.
It can be beneficial for all parts of the adoption triad and has the opportunity to be a blessing in our lives.
The more Cameron knows how loved he is by so many people, including his birth family, the better off he will be.
My best advice is to always lead with your heart. If you are looking for more information about adoption, we highly recommend Purl Adoption Advisory. We wish we had worked with them during our first adoption. They also have an excellent blog if you are hoping to learn more about adoption.
