I found out I was pregnant with our second baby back in April, the first emotion I felt was overwhelming gratitude knowing full well what a gift conception is. This was closely followed by what I know are all normal thoughts as you prepare to bring a second baby home:
- “Well, no going back now!”
- “How will this affect our first born?”
- “And here we just got in a good groove…”
- “How will I mother two babies?”
- “I’m so excited!”
- “I’m so nervous.”
Preparing for my second postpartum experience has been so different than my first. With my first, I don’t think I actually did prepare for my postpartum experience. Your first pregnancy, you’re so focused on the birth part. It’s hard to even comprehend what life with a newborn will be like, how do you prepare for something you can hardly wrap your brain around?
The second time around, it’s this weird combination of feeling slightly more confident because you know what to expect, and feeling slightly more nervous because you know what to expect. Am I the only one who feels that way?
Here are 4 things I am preaching to myself and reminding myself as I prepare to bring my second baby home:
1. I can do hard things!
With my first, my husband had 9 glorious weeks of paid paternity leave. Oh how I wish this was always the norm! It was incredibly helpful having my husband home for those 2+ months as we navigated and fumbled our way through newborn/new parent life.
This time around, that won’t be the case. At first, that felt scary. But something clicked a few months back that made it feel much less scary: I can do hard things! Anything new feels hard at first, but mamas, we are incredibly resilient, aren’t we? I know that I can do this. I can take care of two littles and their needs. I can take care of breakfast and getting dressed. I can get us all into the car. When my brain starts spinning thinking, “how on earth will I do this with a newborn?”, I just remind myself: I don’t know. But I know that I can!
2. Everything heals!
Breastfeeding was by far the hardest part of my first postpartum experience. My nipples were de-stroyedddd. I still have the scar tissue! I remember those early days when e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g HURT and I could not possibly imagine when or if I would feel normal again. You know you will heal, you’ve seen others go through it and logically you know body parts heal, but when it’s your first time it can be easy to doubt if your body will ever feel like it used to.
This time, I have the personal experience to fall back on and know that my body is a freaking rock star! It WILL heal. I WILL feel normal again. And in those moments where I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the recovery process, reminding myself of this will make a huge difference.
3. I am not alone!
I am a huge believer in reaching out for help when necessary. We live in a time where the amount of resources we have can almost be overwhelming, but I choose to see that as a gift! I refuse to struggle in isolation, if something isn’t working I will remember that I am not alone and reach out for help.
Sometimes, that may look like calling up a fellow mama friend to either get some advice or simply cry it out. I did this plenty of times in my first postpartum experience, ha! Other times, that means bringing in professional help. If breastfeeding is a struggle again, I will book myself an appointment with my lactation consultant. If baby isn’t getting the hang of sleeping longer stretches at night (which this mama needs), I will reach out to a sleep consultant. If I’m experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, I will book myself an appointment with my counselor. Whenever I feel nervous about the unknown struggles that could lie ahead, I remind myself that motherhood takes a village and I’ve got a really great one around me!
4. We WILL find our new normal!
I remember visiting my best friend in the hospital after she gave birth to her second baby (gosh, I miss the days when we could do this!). My daughter was just 4 months old at the time, and it felt like a monumental experience recognizing how far we had come. The last time I had been in that hospital, I had just given birth myself. When we walked out those doors with our newborn daughter, everything felt equally exciting and scary. And here I was, just 4 months later, feeling confident in the groove we had created as a family of 3 (6 if you include the fur babies!)
It’s empowering to remind myself that it doesn’t take long to find a new rhythm when adding a family member to the mix. And even if it does, because I know all babies are different, but it’s still helpful to remember that we WILL find our new normal. Whether it takes 4 months, 6 months, 1 year or more, there will come a time where the things that feel hard initially are just built into the routine. There will come a time when the baby sleeps through the night! There will come a time when I can predictably carve out time for myself. Reminding myself of this helps me keep perspective in the midst of change and the chaos it can temporarily bring.
These 4 things are helping me feel excited and more mentally prepared for my second postpartum experience. I know things will be challenging at first, but I also know I can do hard things, my body will heal, I have help, and we WILL find our new groove. 🙂
What tips do you have for the transition from 1 kid to 2? I’m all ears!
